No one really stumbles upon my blog, because no one really knows about this blog anyway, or don't care to know. But those of you who do, I strongly advise you: Do not use my posts as something against me, because it is the wrong judgement here. Do not use my information to do your own will to risk what's right, because this isn't to harm anyone. Listen: I'm typing this to share my thoughts, but this is NOT a journal of mine. This is a blog, that hopefully, will attract more than one person to know just one thing:
what they're feeling now, they're not alone.
Now, I happen to know that the title of this post is called "Death Project", but I can assure you that it isn't what it sounds like. Let me explain, if you care to read along this post.
The "Death Project" is an idea made entirely by me. Maybe there's something else called the "Death Project" for another purpose, but I do not know any now that i can be aware of. DP is a support and understanding project for those such as myself who are:
-suicidal ~ and no one takes notice, or takes notice the right way to seek proper help for them
-self-destructive, ~ and same thing as suicidal, no one takes notice, or they do but the help you get is either not working or making you more in pain.
-depressed ~ now many say that everyone is depressed, and that is true. but this isn't something to be taken lightly, and because it IS taken lightly to most people nowadays, it can be a huge problem.
There are many more other minor reasons, but these three are the main purpose. Now, i'm not saying that other problems do not count or are just minor, because they're not. but the point is, i believe that "suicidal" and being "self-destructive" in ANY way is the best support of this Death Project.
The Death Project has many many steps, and different ways to support and take action in them. NO, I am NOT trying to spread this awareness to many people to get fame or whatever crap. This is only for those who bother reading, and i assure you, fate comes in many mysterious ways.
Now, since this is just the introduction and the history and the actual Death Project action will come later, I will briefly explain the PURPOSE of this Death Project.
1. I want you to find some time, go to a random mirror in the room and stare at your reflection. You see yourself right? Well start getting use to not seeing yourself. This Death Project isn't just about you, but for those who are suffering with you, some in which you may never even know of. The main purpose of me creating this Death Project is to help those who are in the same shoes as me, BUT
in a different mysterious way no one can imagine will help. trust me, it will..
2. I now want you to ask yourself who you are. truly, who are you? Don't think further than that, like about your future or relationships, etc. just define in one sentence or one word, who do you think you are. Well, guess what? What you just said right now, is wrong.
Truth? NO ONE knows who they are 100%. you know yourself better than anyone else in this world, but you can have hidden secrets even you don't have knowledge of. Even if we turn over a hundred years old, you think we will know who we truly are? No, because we define ourselves by our past. Well does it matter? Of course not.
The reason i'm telling you this? Well, most people with depression or mental disorders ask this question to themselves way too much, killing themselves with it. But you know what? I just proved that the most happiest, strongest people struggle with this as well. Therefore, not only are you not alone, but you can deal with this question in another phrase. But more on that later.
3. This is the last point for now. But this point is most important. Bear with me.
I want you to realize something, whoever is reading this. It doesn't matter, as long as you are carefully interpreting my words.
I want you to realize, a HUNDRED percent,
How are you feeling right now?
There are bipolar disorders, depression, chemical imbalances, and all that stuff going on around us in our brains, yet do we have control of how we feel? worst yet, do our feelings even become real anymore?
It doesn't matter if your a teenager with hormone problems, it still affects us way too powerfully.
BUT, as you notice that your mood swings like nuts in ways even you cannot imagine, do you realize that there is one thing that are worse than these mood issues, but are related to feelings and emotions?
Numbness
You cannot be in any state of emotion. Everything seems confusing and hurting, and it drives you to an insane point where not only do you feel numb, but you act numb. You act like everything is the way it is, the world swirls in your head, spirally out of your control. If you're sad, you hate being sad and want to be happy. If you're angry, you'll rather be sad. If you're happy, you're probably confused because you're not use to it.
and then you just go numb, because no feelings fits your satisfaction. instead, people who feel numb CUT, they self--destruct, to FEEL, to be ALIVE, and NOT be numb.
If that's you? Then the Death Project is for you. Trust me, I am not in a better state even though i created the Death Project. but what they say is NOT 100% true. They say that you can't help someone else if you can't help yourself. Well guess what? WRONG WRONG WRONG. what if helping someone else IS the only way to help yourself? What if helping someone else is your only purpose? What if?
What if.
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